Posted By Juliet Linderman

Hey Dick fans! We’re back with some luscious dick-related links for your perusal and viewing pleasure. Enjoy: We know you will.

1.       Some guy in Delray Beach, Florida has got a whale of a tale to tell you! Or, actually he’s just got a whale tail….that he illegally lopped off of a Pygmy Sperm Whale that washed up on the beach this morning. According to a witness, the dude sliced off the poor whale’s tail with a pocket knife and made off with it, allegedly to “make soup.”  According to the CBS 12 news article, “It’s not clear why the whale washed up on the beach,” so if that’s the part of the story you find strange, I’ve got no answers for you. The article also states that, “A witness told CBS 12 that he saw a man cutting the tail off of the whale who told him the tail was the tastiest part.” So, dear dick-lovers, the lesson here appears to be: If you come across a talking whale who has mysteriously washed up on the beach, you’re not allowed to take his tail, even if he told you that it tastes delicious.

2.       Thar She Blows! Australia legit blew up–as in, exploded–a sick whale today, after it got stuck near Albany’s Princess Harbour. The 12-ton whale was unable to free itself so DEC opted for a “controlled implosion to the whale’s cranium.” Brutal. Also: Disgusting. Please, nobody swim near Princess Harbour for a few days.

3. The Baltimore Sun includes our beloved tome in a list of books to read while you’re marooned in your house due to Hurricane Earl, describing it as “The classic whaling/quest novel, cited by many but read by few.” Whatever.

4. In weirder news: In Japan, two Greenpeace activists may face an 18-month jail sentence after stealing a box of salted whale meat:
“Suzuki walked into the facility on April 16, 2008 and took a 23-kilogram (50-pound) box labelled     “cardboard and vinyl”. In a local hotel room, he and Sato opened it before a running video camera. “It was as if I had discovered parts of a corpse,” Suzuki, 43, said at their trial, held in the same city. The box contained 10 salted pieces of “unesu”, cuts from the whale’s throat, underneath plastic and clothing.” Apparently, Greenpeace claims that the “Tokyo Two” did steal, and did tresspass, but they did so in order to expose the industry as guilty of using whales killed in the name of science for commercial use.

5. Over at the Faster Times, Michael Shapiro’s got an interview with Greenpeace co-founder Paul Watson of the Sea Shephard Conservation Society.

6. Greenpeace again, but this time they’ve joined forces with a Netherlands-based video game developer to create a video game based on confrontations between Greenpeace and Japanese whaling ships, ‘non-violently,’ of course:

“The simulator… reinforces our commitment to peaceful direct action….”

I think this awesome. But honestly this video game is probably really boring. I’m not big on violence, but really? No touching?

“If you ram a whaler, for instance, your game is over.”