Break to Love: Live from the 1st Annual Evian Wooden Racquet Cup at Forest Hills

Travel to the outer reaches of New York reminds you that the universe is expanding. If you just keep running a la Gump, it doesn’t take long to rock the suburbs. Bridging Ridgewood, Flushing, and Forest Hills, the West Side Tennis Club is accessible from several MTA lines. But if you’re prepared to bring your own coffee and pee in a sushi restaurant that looks like the mansion from the end of Scarface, it’s a breezy ninety minute walk from Bushwick proper. On Saturday, we ventured north to bring you the sights and sounds of the inaugural Evian Wood Racquet Cup. The sights? A Dov Charney wet dream of guy thigh and sashaying ladies, decked out in classy tennis attire new and old. The sounds? “Thwack” and “glug”, the cool rhythms of sports being played while chugging free bottled water.

The WRC was comprised of sixteen uniquely attractive blogger quartets, squaring offin a single elimination tournament. Each team played using the old-timey wooden rackets that were the norm until metal’s intro to the game in 1967, the same year in which casual sex was patented. The tourney winners received four tickets to the US Open finals, where one of them will sub in for Rafael Nadal following an injury to his middle-parted hairline. The day was even capped off by an appearance from Judah Friedlander (30 Rock, American Splendor), comedic sensation and established champion of the world. Friedlander challenged a fully-garbed ninja to a game of ping pong, and eloquently extolled the virtues of Evian and healthy competition alike.

In the tradition of ABC’s Wide World of Sports, Vol. 1 herein brings you an insider’s guide to the tournament, profiling but a few of the afternoon’s tremendous athletes. Drink in their acute fashion sense, and soak up their sage wisdom!

From left: Danielle Brock, Patrick “Hat Trick” Letterii, Doug Levy, and Allison Pottasch of Flavorpill. BROCK: “I’m here to win the costume contest.” LEVY: “We’re planning some Tonya Harding shit. You’ve been warned.”

From left: “Bao and Issac” of The New York Times, moments after winning their first-round match. ISSAC, on the thrill of victory: “We stuck to our game plan. And I drank some of my friend’s beer beforehand. It fills you with carbs and calms the nerves. Good stuff.”

From left: Corey Henderson and Dan Rollman, co-founders of Recordsetter.com. ROLLMAN: “If we start losing, our strategy is to start smoking on the court. It feels good and causes an opponent to lose focus.”

Above: The Collective Wrecking Crew of Refinery29 New York. UNNAMED PLAYER/SPOKESWOMAN: “We’re the Fashion Distraction. Print that! And when in doubt, hit the ball directly at your opponent’s head.”

From right: Tournament winners Sandy Marks and associates, a/k/a Team 40 Love, a/k/a the Judah Friedlander All-Stars. MARKS: “Man, we’re just trying to size up these other crews and figure out how to hit the ball straight. These wooden racquets are no joke.”

From left: Stephanie Woo and Ruthie Thier of Warby Parker. WOO: “An intimidating look is everything. It’s all about striking fear into the competition.

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