Welcome. Introducting our panel of annual analysts: Climp Bators (Pigskin Warthog Online Editor, statistician, sub-par husband) Lash St. Cower (Portland Daily Gazette columnist, senile ex-lover of Eartha Kitt) Rosalind Propecia (on-field interviewer, ESPN Chechnya) Cormac McCarthy (Pulitzer Prize-winning author of The Road and All the Pretty Horses, licensed misanthrope) Kegstands-X5 (sentient, artificially intelligent android sent from the future to discuss football) Peaches Malloy (three-time Pro Bowl running back, disgraced infomercial psychic)
“We should start back,” said Tebros, pointing to a swift military formation scratched onto a scroll. The scrimmage yards told a grim tale: third and eight after an incomplete pass. His fellow Paytriotes shrugged and shuffled their feet across the Training Camp’s field of battle, like timid trolls scared to enter a line dance with vixens.